369. That's the number of days ago when we were trying to decide whether we should change our plane tickets to stay longer. We had already spent a lot of money to be here and we couldn't imagine leaving now so an extra couple hundred dollars wasn't going to sway us one way or the other. After some discussion we decided to see how things went that night and would decide in the morning. Little did we know the decision would be made for us when we woke up 368 days ago.
Kristen's best friend since high school, Christine, had been battling stage IV colon cancer since August of 2005, she was 28 when she received this diagnosis. I know what you're thinking and we all thought and still think the same thing. 28 is way too young. WAY TOO YOUNG. But over the next few years Christine seemed to be doing better and her cancer went into remission. She went back to school to get a graduate degree in Public Health with a focus on advocacy based on her experiences fighting cancer as a young person who didn't have health insurance at the time of the diagnosis. Of course she came to visit us a couple of times including staying with us for a couple of weeks over Thanksgiving in 2008 and attending our wedding.
But then a week after celebrating the 4th of July things changed. Kristen had been getting worried in the weeks prior because conversations with her weren't the same anymore, what was once a sharp mind started to get easily distracted and forgetful. Then the phone call came. Christine was in the hospital. The news hit Kristen like a punch in the gut. The doctors had performed exploratory surgery a couple of times and discovered the cancer had returned to her liver and colon and it was very aggressive. The conclusion they came to was news everyone was dreading, there was nothing more they could do other than try to keep her comfortable. After the phone was hung up and some tears were shed we immediately went online and booked a flight out to Nebraska for Kristen early the next morning. I would stay behind for a few days to get things in order at home because we weren't sure how long we'd be away.
When I got to Nebraska Christine was no longer conscious but the days prior to my arrival, while Kristen was with her, she was awake and in good spirits. Despite what was happening her personality persisted and at one point she even played a practical joke on Kristen and her best friend from college, Mandy.
In the morning Christine's parents would return and Kristen and I would head down to the cafeteria for breakfast before we ventured out into the Omaha sun. She played tour guide and showed me all the places she liked to go in Omaha and Bellevue and shared stories about growing up there. We hit up a couple of restaurants she liked and met up with her brother for lunch one day, making sure to get the fruit pie for dessert at the Village Inn. After sightseeing we headed back to Christine's parents' house so we could grab a quick nap and shower before we had to be back at the hospital. It wasn't under the best of circumstances but it was nice to see where she grew up and get our minds off of things for a few hours.
After I was there a few days a decision was made to move her to a hospice so she could be in a more comfortable environment. The first night there Kristen and I watched the Royals game on television so we could see Yuniesky Betancourt play at short. Yuni had been traded to KC from the Mariners and was actually on the same flight as Kristen when she came out to Nebraska. I’ll be honest, I have no idea why but he was Kristen’s favorite Mariner. While watching the game we also debated whether or not to change our flight because we were supposed to fly back to Seattle the following day. We didn't know how much longer we'd stay but it seemed like we should stay.
Later that night Christine seemed to be doing okay so we decided to get some sleep. At one point Kristen woke up because Christine was making some sounds but they weren't anything unusual compared to what we had been hearing the nights before. Kristen started talking to her and told her that everything was going to be okay and after a little bit Christine settled down. That was 369 days ago.
Early in the morning I woke up and noticed her breathing had changed. It was different but didn’t seem to be labored or pained like it had been before. I drifted back to sleep and about an hour later I woke up again because the room was silent. I got up to check on her and noticed she wasn’t breathing anymore. Gently, I woke up Kristen to tell her and then called the on call nurse. We also called her parents to let them know she had passed. Kristen and I both thought that her telling Christine everything was going to be okay let her know what we were going to be okay and it was alright for her to go. We also joked she was so polite she didn't want to keep us from going home. That was July 18th, 368 days ago.
We flew home later that day and spent a week in Seattle before heading out to Minnesota/Wisconsin for the funeral. Mandy let us stay with her and we got to meet a bunch of Christine's friends as well as enjoy three (3!) different kinds of tot casserole. Everyone shared their memories at the service and over beers later that night. But Christine wasn't done with us yet. Kristen's family has a big reunion every two years but we had to miss it because we were in Omaha. Where the service was held ended up being really close to Kristen's Uncle and Aunt's place, which is where the reunion is held, so we were able to stop by and see them as well as some of Kristen's cousins. Plus the goats. The fainting goats. And yes, we did make them faint.
So it's been a year now and there have been good days and bad days. The days when Kristen reaches for the phone to give Christine a call and then remembers. The days where she starts crying because she just misses her friend. It was 369 days ago she last told her friend that everything was going to be alright. It's been 368 days since we told it to ourselves.